In Grateful Remembrance

Photo: Wooter van Doorn, Flickr ccl

During WWII my father was a young man. He landed on the shores of France and helped liberate Holland. From there he went up through Sicily and Italy. He was a tank driver. He never spoke of his experiences.

My father's brothers all enlisted, as did my mother's two brothers. Luckily they all made it back home safely to Nova Scotia.

Without their sacrifice, and the hundreds of thousands of others and those who didn't come home, we would not enjoy the freedoms we have today.

I remember, and am eternally grateful.

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On the Day of my Uncle’s Funeral

John 14:1-2

1 Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. 2 In My Father's house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.

As the years go by, one by one, those we love pass into memory.
Photo: Jerome Rothermund, Flickr ccl

Today is the day we celebrate the life of my Uncle. His funeral will be held at 2pm in the church that he was instrumental in helping build. My mother (his sister) will be playing the organ, and many members of the family will be singing.

This time, as it does for all of us, makes me cast my thoughts backward to memories that I hold most dear.

I have many fond memories of my uncle, and his first wife Joyce, from when I was very young. They did not live in the village where I grew up but used to come and stay in the summer, about a month at a time, at a cottage at the foot of our lake. It was exactly what you would dream an old cabin on a lake would be: split log siding, cast iron stove, moose horns, tin cookware, outdoor privy; all nestled among mature pine trees.

I remember going the mile and a half there on my bicycle nearly every day in the summer to swim and play on their beach.

I remember the swing they used to have on the cabin porch. It was part of an old twin bed, but would it swing! Both Uncle Walter and Aunt Joyce used to yell at us for swinging it out too far, or hitting the cabin. If the cabin still stands somewhere I’m sure those marks are still there.

I remember hail on the cabin's tin roof during summer storms.

I remember the old wicker chairs on the porch overlooking the lake.

I remember the smell of musty life jackets and the dusty oars under the cabin where all the boats were over wintered.

I remember fishing off the wharf for perch and the water spiders and bugs dancing on the water around the wharf posts.

I remember the barbecues both my uncles would host, usually late in the season at the cabin. All the family that was home would be invited. It was a very generous act.

I remember docking my little motor boat on their beach. I bought it with all the money I made one summer when I was about 15 years old.

I remember the smells of late summer and the sounds of cicadas singing the season away.

I remember my Uncle Walter and how he influenced me.

My uncle was central to all these memories, which are some of my fondest and I believe help define the kind of man I am today.

My uncle may have passed away from us, but the memories he helped create will last with us for as long as we exist.

Our lives are judged solely by how we are remembered by others and how we made them feel. I hope when my time has passed that I will be remembered as fondly as many people remember my Uncle Walter.

Revelation 21:4

And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.

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Dogs: AVC Offers A New Service for Grieving Pet Owners

We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals. – Immanual Kant

The Atlantic veterinary College web site.

Today I thought I would write about something  bit more serious than plants and food. The idea came from an article republished in today's Chronicle Herald. It's about a call-in support line for grieving pet owners.

The Atlantic Veterinary College (AVC) (http://www.upei.ca/avc/) in Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island is currently celebrating its 25th Anniversary. It is THE place in Atlantic Canada for veterinary education and research.

The article today, written by Mary McKay and first published in the Charlottetown Guardian newspaper, is about a new service being offered there staffed by volunteers. It's a service, I personally believe, that is well deserving of our support.

The loss of a pet can be very traumatic for the owner and owner's family. Regardless of the species of pet, they do have a way of settling into our hearts so deeply that they are members of our families. We often treat them as furry, scaly, feathered or whatever, children. We love them deeply and in return they give us their love and loyalty.

Simon, 1997-2009. The best boy ever...

I went through a terrible loss, as you know from previous posts, of my Bouvier Simon in March of 2009. It affected me deeply. He was my little boy and I treated him as such. 

When he passed away at home from complications of old age it was if all the stars stopped twinkling in the night sky. The sun was less bright, food less interesting and the flowers less beautiful. I essentially became depressed. Even now, over two years since, sometimes just the thought of Simon and how much I love(d) him will bring uncontrollable sobs.

Luckily I had someone in my life who loved me and could understand how I felt, even as they were grieving too.

But what if you don't have the support of family and friends?

The loss of a pet affects everyone differently. Some just pass if off as easily as shaking water from an umbrella. For others it is a tragedy. Losing a pet can be made more difficult for the grieving owners by friends and acquaintances who just don't get the depth of the feeling of loss. It can be, and is for some, as significantly felt as if a parent, friend or human child has passed away. This lack of understanding makes recovering from the grief a longer and harder process.

This is where the Atlantic Veterinary College's new service steps in.

The AVC Pet Loss Support Line gives callers a sympathetic person to speak to about their feelings. You can talk with them about how you feel, or they will just listen so you can get it all out. They let you know that there are lots of people "out there" who feel as you do, that it is a normal process and you're not alone.

When you're grieving this is a service immeasurable in value. 

And think about it—they're all volunteers.

The volunteers get special training in theory of grief and what to expect when people call. They are educated in how to deal with callers and help as best they can, especially in an environment where they are not face to face. Most (if not all – I'm not sure) are students at AVC. 

Our two boys, late 2008.

There is value for them as well in this service as there are no specific courses offered at the college in grief counselling. This gives vet students hands-on experience for what they will inevitably deal with when they graduate and begin their practices.So it is a win-win situation.

Having someone to call in times of grief crisis can be a godsend to those of us who are experiencing these sometimes overwhelming feelings. I can only think that the people who volunteer for this must be very, very special indeed.

If you need someone to talk to give them a call. There is no toll-free number (yet) but perhaps a pet product company or interested party will step up to the plate and support this worthy cause. If any of my readers have contacts that could assist in the help line's support please feel free to let them know about this wonderful service.

So how can you contact them?

The telephone number is 902-388-0752. It is not a 24-hour service but they do say that all calls are returned during the next support line period. Unfortunately they do not list operating hours or if they are open on weekends. Grief has a way of not sticking to 9-5, Monday to Friday…

You can also email them at pethelpline@upei.ca.

The beautiful thing is that, as far as I know, they will take calls from anyone, anywhere in the world. I would assume that the only prerequisite would be being able to converse in English.

They do make a point of stating that they cannot offer any medical advice, which only makes sense. It's a telephone conversation and also presupposes your pet has passed away.

So if you need support dealing with a loss, give the AVC Pet Loss Support Line a call. Even though I had family support in dealing with my grief, I'm sure I would have used this service if I had known it had been in existence. This is a bit morbid, but even though our Bouvier Henry is healthy and still quite young, I can't help but think of the future and what we all will go through when "that time" arrives.

I'm glad I now know about these fine gentle folk at the AVC.

They definitely deserve our support in this most kind and helpful of endeavours.

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Dogs: Feel Good Story - Pound Dog Rescues Lost Dog

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. – Roger Caras

I found this story recently and thought it bore posting. It's a heartwarming tale that reinforces why we love our canine companions so much. This story is so much more touching because not only was the hero from a shelter, but so was the rescued dog until recently. 

Nala is a pit bull mix. I know there is a lot of discussion about pit bulls currently and in some parts of Canada the breed is outright banned. I cannot tell you how wrong I feel that is. There are no bad dogs—only bad owners. How our dogs behave is directly related to how they are raised. We only need to look at how some human children behave to see this is true...

Nala is also an older dog. Mature dogs are difficult to place but are every bit as deserving of a caring family. Hopefully this compassionate animal was able to find a loving home.

This story originally appeared last December on KTVZ in the US. I have posted it exactly as found. It has an accompanying TV clip. To view it, where the stills originated, go to http://www.ktvz.com/news/26083454/detail.html

Redmond Shelter Dog a Tail-Wagging Hero

Nala Rescues Another Dog From Ditch

By Homa Quazilbash, KTVZ.COM

POSTED: 5:54 pm PST December 9, 2010

UPDATED: 8:48 am PST December 10, 2010

REDMOND, Ore. -- It's a heartwarming story about an unlikely hero --- and a dog's rescue of a former shelter mate.

But in this case, the hero is apparently one nobody wants.

Nala, a pitbull-lab mix, has been at the Humane Society of Redmond since April.

On Monday morning, Allan Borland, a shelter volunteer, took Nala for her regular walk east down Hemlock Avenue in Redmond.

But when they got to a spot near 17th Street, Nala alerted to the south --- and stopped dead in her tracks.

Borland said he tried calling her back, but for once, she didn't listen.

"Usually, she comes back to me when I call her, or give her a little tug on her collar," Borland said. "This time, she wouldn't. She kept pulling me, so I just let her pull me."

Borland said Nala then pulled him into a nearby ditch, about 200 yards down.

And that's when he saw the little dog.

"It was very filthy -- at first I thought it was dead," Borland said. "Then I took a second look and saw it was breathing."

Borland headed back to the shelter and alerted a staff member, and the two went back to rescue dog.

"It came around right away, it only took a few seconds and it was able to stand on its own feet," Borland said. "That's when I noticed it had ice balls frozen to all its feet."

The rescued dog is a 10-year-old cocker spaniel named Chadwick, adopted out of the Humane Society of Redmond just recently.

Shelter officials said they don't know if the two dogs knew each other during their time there, but it's likely Nala alerted to the scent of another dog nearby.

Chadwick, who's also blind, had escaped from his owner's property --- and was missing for a week before Nala's heroic discovery.

"Nala is a big hero --- she deserves all this credit. I would have never looked into that ditch if it hadn't been for her dragging me to it," Borland said.

But despite her heroism and sweet nature, shelter Manager Chris Bauersfeld said Nala has three strikes against her --- which contribute to her shelter stay of nearly eight months.

"She's a pit bull mix, she's black, and she is a little bit older, between five and seven years of age," Bauersfeld said.

Bauersfeld said that's because people typically bypass black dogs and pitbull mixes --- and most want a dog that's younger.

"Because they don't want to anticipate the inevitable end coming as quickly as it does," Bauersfeld said.

But Bauersfeld said Nala is a delightful dog, and shelter officials are looking to find the hero a happy home.

Nala is available for adoption, as are many other animals, at the Humane Society of Redmond on 1355 NE Hemlock Ave.

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Dogs: It truly IS a dog's life…

(Assuming there's reincarnation) 

"I've always said that I want to come back as a gay man's dog. We love our dogs more than we love most people. Most of us treat our dogs like furry little babies." – posted by Bronco69 (interesting name) on democraticunderground.com

The idea that dogs feel emotions, specifically love, is an ongoing debate. Though older schools of scientific thought refuted the notion that dogs had human-like feelings, some researchers today believe the subject deserves more attention.

photo: Dazed 81 (Flickr creative commons license)

All mammals, including dogs, have a "pleasure center" in their brains that is stimulated by dopamine, the chemical that regulates feelings of happiness. For example, when a dog is playing, dopamine is released in the pleasure center and the dog is "happy."

Since humans and dogs have similar brain chemistry is it such a stretch to think that we share similar feelings? Anyone who has owned a dog will agree. Their depth of emotion is one reason, I believe, that we love them so much.

This article is a repost taken directly from http://news.ca.msn.com/canada/cp-article.aspx?cp-documentid=27690209

By Pat Hewitt, The Canadian Press, thecanadianpress.com, 
Updated: February 15, 2011 7:02 PM

Most dog owners consider pet member of family

photo: Darren Krause (Flickr creative commons license)

verbatim:

TORONTO - It's a dog's life, and it's getting better all the time.

Nearly half of Canadian dog owners refer to themselves as their pet's mom or dad, according to a recent poll.

And almost 20 per cent celebrate Rover's birthday.

A Harris/Decima survey commissioned by Nestle Purina PetCare Canada suggests 90 per cent of Canadian dog owners consider their pet a member of the family.

Atlantic Canadians lead the pack at 94 per cent. Ontarians are a whisker behind at 92 per cent.

"Of course I consider my dog a member of the family," says Gale Davy, who adopted her four-year-old mixed breed Tyson just over a month ago from the Humane Society. "He's my son."

Like 40 per cent of Canadians surveyed, Davy said she's "mom" or "mommy" to Tyson. She will celebrate his birthday, just like she did with her previous dog who died at age 17 just before Christmas.

While Davy wouldn't call Tyson a playmate, as some 48 per cent of Canadian dog-owners surveyed said they do, he does help the 48-year-old get her exercise.

"Without him, I think maybe I wouldn't get out here as often," she said at the snow-covered off-leash dog park at Kew Gardens along the waterfront.

Helen Redcliffe, 33, said her shepherd-collie mix Seamus is definitely part of the family.

Seamus turned one on Dec. 14.

"He gets a birthday just like everyone else," said Redcliffe. "He got some toys and he got some nice treats for his dinner."

Some dog owners even splurge for a doggie birthday cake.

Jackie Krovblit, owner of Big Dog Bakery, sells 15 to 30 birthday cakes for dogs each month, depending on the season. They range in price from $7.99 for a basic cake to $35 for a more customized one. Flavours include peanut butter bliss, bananarama and liver delight.

A dog's first birthday is the most popular, said Krovblit, but owners also buy for older dogs. And it's not just birthday cakes. The bakery has made bar mitzvah and even wedding cakes for dogs.

Man's best friend is worth it, according to Malak Tabbara.

"Not only do we treat them as a member of the family, we're very careful with them," said the owner of 10-year-old cocker spaniel Angie. "We go the extra mile for them and we're happy to do it and spend the cash on it."

The poll was conducted between Jan. 13 and 17. It surveyed 1,221 adults who own or have owned a dog. The margin of error is plus or minus 2.2 percentage points.

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Opinion: Client versus Customer – The Great RBC Makeover

I don't know about you, but I want to be a client.

This has been stuck in my craw for a while now. Royal Bank of Canada (RBC) has recently started a significant change in the way they will be delivering banking services with the launch of their new "retail store" concept. The bank at the corner of Oxford and Quinpool in Halifax is currently undergoing the transformation. 

For images of the new RBCs, go to the link at the bottom of this post. The exterior of their concept store looks like something that would be at home in Dartmouth Crossing, sort of like a FutureShop. In the interior shots client service representatives are conspicuous by their absence. I suppose they would just clutter up the space. And there’s not a teller window in sight. Is that where you want to bank? Personally, I prefer my banks boring and my bankers stodgy. I want "numbers nerds."

According to that site, RBC's objective is to change the experience of a client from one of "banking" to more of a "shopping" experience designed to "support customers' life events." (Huh? - D) "Customer" options will be self-, assisted- and full-service, in descending order I assume. I don't know how knowledgeable you are about the ins and outs of financial instruments, but I'm not. Would the normal off-the-street "customer" have enough wherewithal to make self-beneficial, informed financial decisions about much more than a transfer, deposit or withdrawal? 

Note the use of the word "customer". That's RBC's usage, not mine. Think— when was the last time you heard a bank call its clients "customers"? It appears to be a fundamental shift in RBC's idea of their relationship to their clients.

Merriam-Webster Online defines: 

• a "customer" as "one that purchases a commodity or service"; 
• "client", on the other hand, is "1. one that is under the protection of another; 2. a person who engages the professional advice or services of another <a lawyer's clients>."

This is not a fine distinction. On the one hand a "client" assumes that the organization of which they are the client are representing their interests. A "customer" is merely one who purchases an item/commodity and, except for any stated or implied warranty, does not necessarily have an ongoing relationship with the vendor.

I know this distinction from professional experience. 

Let me give you an analogy. As a communication designer I work on a daily basis for my "clients." The basic tenet of the client relationship is that I am there as "wise counsel" for my clients (whether they listen to me or not…); I service them with my expertise. I offer every single one my best advice for their goals based on my education and experience. If the client already understood what they needed, they wouldn't need me.

A graphic design "customer" would be the type of person that buys business cards out of a machine at an airport. Choose your logo, choose your typeface, choose your design and away you go. No discussion about what your organization does, what your audience needs to know, or your overall goals. 

I suggest to you that all effective banking solutions need a significant level of individual tailoring.

I can't imagine "self-serve" banking offers the level of counsel or support most clients want and need. Often the client doesn't understand the possible myriad solutions to the issues they face. If they don't know the answer, how will they know to ask for the right kind of help?

If one thinks in Machiavellian ways, it seems that RBC is abrogating responsibility in the client relationship and devolving it to one where benefit onus is on the person purchasing their commodities/services. In truth, it's probably the case that RBC is trying to maximize profits by minimizing client contact. Hence the use of the word "customer". You can assume that word was not chosen lightly by its marketing team. 

I, for one, wish to remain a client, purchasing services from those who I trust and know offer a high level of individual attention as a standard feature, not as an option on a touch screen monitor.

We are not all the same like paper cutouts, and do not deserve to be treated as such.

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ADDENDUM:

When did it actually occur that banks lost their raison d'être? Weren't bankers supposed to guard our money, invest it to make profit, and for that use give us a portion of that profit back as "interest"?

Slowly over several years service fees and other charges have become our financial sector's life blood, sucking on clients like vampires until they're nearly dead.

When did they stop realizing it is a privilege that we entrust our money with them so they can fatten their pockets, and give us back a few pennies in return?

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For an article about the RBC Retail Store concept go to http://thefinancialbrand.com/16613/rbc-retail-store-branch-prototype-concept/

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Opinion: Ending toxic relationships

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. – M. Kathleen Casey

This is my "Coles Notes" version of a long – but good – article published by "fanny mae" on Helium.com. This post is meant for a friend of mine who I know will never see it (unfortunately), but I'm sure we all can relate to the subject matter. The link to the original article is at the bottom of this post. –Docaitta

Ending toxic relationships

Identifying and ending a toxic relationship is difficult and painful. People are not all bad or all good. The pain of ending a relationship, however, is far less than allowing yourself to continue a relationship with a person who is toxic for you.

Choosing to remain in a toxic relationship is like choosing to continually drink poison over and over again. Eventually emotional pain manifests itself physically in one way or another. The proof of this lies in anxiety attacks, depression, insomnia, and a myriad of other health issues relating to emotional stress. Only a person with a death wish would choose to pick up a bottle of bleach and start chugging. 

So why is it that so many of us choose to spend time and energy on relationships that are toxic to our bodies, not to mention emotionally and spiritually draining? A lot of times, it is simply because we do not know how to end the toxic relationships in our lives.

Ending a relationship may make the other party feel very powerless and hurt, but this is no reason to stay in a relationship. If you are just staying in the relationship out of fear of hurting someone else's feelings, in the end is that relationship based on anything true or real? No, it is not. Sacrificing yourself is not what a healthy relationship entails.

Step 1: Identify if the relationship is toxic

Ask yourself these questions:

Am I truly happy when I am around this person?

Do I have heightened stress when I am around this person?

Do I feel exhausted after spending time with this person?

Am I giving to this relationship much much more than I am getting in return?

Do I feel the relationship is going nowhere?

If the answer is yes to all or most of these questions then the indications are that this relationship is toxic for you. Life is so precious and so short — it is not worth your time to give and give and give to a relationship that is really just DEAD. There are many reasons why people become the toxic party in a relationship. Some were never taught how to be in a loving and caring relationship, while others are very needy because their needs were never met as a child. And the list goes on.

Step 2: Be resolute about ending the relationship

Once you have identified that a person is toxic, you have to be determined to end the relationship. It is important for you to hold your resolve and not let guilt or third party manipulations soften your resolve.

Step 3: Write down how you feel, even if you never show it to anyone

You will find it therapeutic to write down your feelings on paper. It is important to use "I feel" language and not blaming language when getting your feelings out. Maybe you will never share what you have written with the person you are choosing to end the relationship with, but that's not the point of the exercise. 

Step 4: Confront the toxic party

It is necessary to confront the toxic behavior and expose it for what it is. Sharing your feelings and confronting the toxic behavior may be painful and difficult for the other person to hear, but it is important for you to get your feelings out regardless, be it face to face or written.

If it's a family member, you may need to confront the person face to face. If your toxic relationship is with a manipulative, angry, or violent person; you may opt for not confronting them face to face. In the case of an abusive relationship, you may want to seek a restraining order or other professional assistance. You may also need the support of a counselor and definitely the support of trusted friends.

Step 5: Forgive and move on

You will never truly end the toxic relationship if you hold onto your anger, resentment, or bitterness. Forgiveness, however, has nothing to do with reconciliation and everything to do with you allowing yourself to move past the hurt and pain you have felt and find joy in other things. This may take time and a period of grieving. But once you have grieved the relationship. Move on.

This is the most important step to ending a toxic relationship, getting busy with life. Take joy in (and be thankful for) what you have, and don't dwell on what you feel others may have taken from you. Be thankful for the relationships that you do have that are life affirming. Then you will truly be free of the toxic people in your life.

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To view the original full article, go to http://www.helium.com/items/1213165-how-to-end-a-toxic-relationship

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